Welcome to Penis Trivia, Facts and Stats! Ah yes. The feared and admired all mighty bringer of people seeds and pleasure, both pain and delight...the infamous human tool of tools multi-functional device, The Human Penis. Most are eternally puzzled at how such a small, destorted dispenser of urine can seemingly have such a radical grasp on the balls of society. All questions might be answered on this page, if not, check back soon! We're getting harder!

Fastest achieved male orgasm
It is interesting to note how quickly the "preadolescent" can respond to sexual stimulation. Kinsey tabulated the percentage of the population who could respond to the point of orgasm in less than ten seconds of sexual stimulation. No less than 6.4 per cent of preadolescents could achieve orgasm in less than ten seconds of sexual stimulation. And a quarter of all those tested could manage orgasm in less than one minute. Kinsey notes that erection is much quicker in preadolescent boys than in adults; and some two-year-olds come to climax in less than ten seconds. (waddah wimp, i can go at least 20!)

Penis Utopia Main Expose Central Resource Database

PENIS ERECTUS - the offical government approved definition -
Main Entry: pe·nis Pronunciation: 'pE-n&s
Function: noun ; vaginal drilling device
Inflected Form(s): plural pe·nes 'pE-(")nEz/; or pe·nis·es
Etymology: Latin, penis, tail; akin to Old High German
faselt penis, Greek peos

Definition: organ of copulation that in male mammals including
humans usually functions as the channel by which urine leaves the body.
Supplement: female vibrator backup plan

Largest human penis currently in the record books:

The very revered and utmost admired, Mr. Aubrey Beardsley -
The Examination of the Herald, 1896. -We all know that men are supposed to worry endlessly about penis size. In popular mythology a small organ is still thought to signal a totally inadequate lover. All the best books tell us that this idea is absurd but nonetheless the notion persists. What can we say of penis size? How big is the biggest? One problem is who is to do the measuring. If men measure their own organs they are likely to exaggerate the results: it is not an area in which there are abundant objective surveys. *see below**

Basic Penis Quick Fact Sheet

• The average erect penis is six inches in length, although flaccid measurements vary considerably.
• Odors that increase blood flow to the penis: lavender, licorice, chocolate, doughnuts, pumpkin pie. This may just be the real reason that women love chocolate.
• The largest penis in the animal kingdom belongs to the mighty blue whale. He is no less than 11 feet of fully functional hot whale action.
• Men say the average erect penis is ten inches. Women say it's four inches. But what about girth, people? What about girth?
• Among the Mangaians of Polynesia, 18-year-old couples make love an average of three times a night, every night, until their 30s, when the weekly average drops to a mere 14. (And then when they turn 40, their penises fall off. This is why it's all about quality, not quantity.)

Women too may exaggerate the size of a particular penis in their acquaintance. Walter (of My Secret Life) demonstrated this clearly enough: a woman spoke of a penis as being 7 in. long or even more - yet the "very large penis" measured by Walter turned out to be significantly less than 7 in. According to Wardell B. Pomeroy, the Kinsey co-worker, the longest penis encountered was ten inches. This figure accords quite well with the results of the special Forum survey into penis size. In this careful and detailed survey, published in 1970, the largest penis was found to be 9? in. in erection, hardly able to compete with the vast organs of pornographic fiction.

In an earlier inter-racial survey, Dr. Jacobus's 1935 publication - "L'Ethnologie du Sens Genitale", larger dimensions were recorded. In this survey, organs nearly 12 in. in length are reported. Of all penis sizes quoted in the literature the largest is unquestionably the 14 in. . erect organ mentioned by Dr. David Reuben in "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex". But as no source is quoted perhaps we should not take too much notice of this figure.

The largest well attested penises would seem to be between ten and twelve inches in the erect state. Me personally? My standard 6" plus has served just fine over the years. :)

Farthest projected ejaculation ever ejected from mister erected

Timgad, Erotic Mosaic, late First Century.
This, we may assume, is yet another one for a future Sex Olympics. Considering the amount of masturbation that goes on there must be considerable volume of semen discharged in the absence of a convenient vaginal receptacle. The distances the seminal fluid achieves before being arrested in flight must surely vary. I have seen very little documentation on this. Van de Velde notes that the "rhythmic spasms of ejaculation fling forth the semen from the external orifice with an impetus which may be perceived if the emission takes place in vacuo." He adds, with the air of the true scientist, that the "seminal stream usually covers a distance of from 15 to 20 cm., but has been known to exceed 1m.".

The physical event of ejaculation (semen being pumped out of the penis) does not necessarily coincide with an orgasm (the pleasurable sensation of climax caused by a chemical response in the brain). It's possible for a man to ejaculate and not even have an orgasm. The reverse is also true; a man can have an orgasm without ejaculating.

Most active sex life in old age Kinsey found men still making love about once a week at the age of sixty-five. In one group 75-year-olds were having sex about once a month; and 80-year-olds were managing it once every nine or ten weeks. The record for such things lies with a white man who was having - at the age of seventy - more than seven ejaculations per week !

Penile Stupidity

A Kansas man checked into an emergency room with his erect penis stuck through a barbell plate. Apparently, the gentleman wondered if his member would fit through the weight's hole, but once it was in, he couldn't get it out. After 12 hours of attempting to cut the plate, a urologist freed him by draining blood from the penis.

Penis Related Slang Terms

Erect

Bicycle, Big Ben, bone, boner, chubby (erect or half-erect), dick, Eiffel Tower, hard-on, johnson, joystick, leaning tower of Pisa, love muscle, purple veined clarinet, purple fist, purple katana, presidential staff, putz, rod, schmuck, skin flute, stick, stiffy, wood, woody.

Flaccid or Erect

Arrow, bishop in a turtleneck, blue-veined microphone, chode, Clyde, cock, crank, cunt poker, dick, dong, egg roll, fireman, hog or hawg, jimmy, johnson, john-thomas, knob, lad (Irish), love snake, manhood, manmeat, manroot, meat, (male) member, mushroom cap, old fellow, one-eyed monster, one-eyed snake, (male) organ, pecker, Pedro, Peter, Percy, plum (of the head only), pork hammer, pork sword, prick, purple-headed mountain, rod, salami, sausage, scepter, schlong, shaft, snopp, Stanley (the power tool), talliwhacker, todger, tool, trouser snake, trouser trout, unit, Vienna sausage, wang, warrior of love, wiener, willie, yogurt slinger ...

Testicles

Balls, bollocks, cajones, crown jewels, cods, eggs, family jewels, guavas, klackers, knackers, nads, nuts, plums, tackle. Also, "plum smuggling" a colloquial term used to describe a male wearing overly tight undergarments, allowing the penis and/or testicles to be seen in outline.

Penis and testicles

Note: (some words in this section may also be used more specifically to mean just the penis or just the testicles; usage varies)- Big Ben, crown jewels, Eiffel Tower, family jewels, frank 'n beans, lunchbox (UK, particularly used for male athletes), meat and two veg, one eyed trouser snake, package, twig and berries, wedding tackle.

"See, the problem is that God gives men both a brain and a penis, and only enough blood flow to run one at a time." - Robin Williams

"Man with penis in peanut butter, fucking nuts." - Confucious

Most common types of male orgasm Kinsey delineated six types of male orgasm. In part the types vary according to the intensity of the reaction exhibited. The most common type of male orgasm supposedly characterising about 45 per cent of adult males - features some body tension. There may also be twitching or tension in one or both legs, of the mouth, of the arms, or of other particular parts of the body. There is gradual build-up to a climax which involves rigidity of the whole body and a degree of throbbing in the penis. There is orgasm with a few spasms but little after-effect. This is seen as the most common type of male orgasm (discussed in 1. Singer "The Goals of Human Sexuality") .

FYI - Things not recommended to Say to a Man with a Small Penis.

• Ahh, it's sooooo cute!
• Stop fingering me and fuck me, already.
• Perhaps we could just cuddle?
• Wow, and your feet are so big!
• My last boyfriend was four inches bigger.
• Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh!
• My eight-year-old brother has one just like that.
• Let me go get my tweezers.
• This explains your corvette.
• All right, a treasure hunt!
• It's like a penis, only smaller?
• Why is God punishing you?
• Let's just stick with your hand.
• But it still actually works, right?
• I don't suppose there's a dildo around here somewhere?
• Let me know when you're done.
• You must so cold, eh?

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The Mighty Super Selling Penis!

Commercialized Penises

The Thins Penis: Cos it's not as thick as some
The Magnum Penis: Can you remember your first one?
The Nicole Kidman Penis: To Die For
The Minties Penis: It's moments like these you need...
The Wrigley's Extra Penis: Flavour that lasts and lasts
The Canon Penis: Now you can
The St George Penis: You know where you stand
The Saab Penis: Beyond the conventional
The Sorbent Penis: Thicker and softer
The digital Penis: Whatever it takes
The Hyundai Penis: All day every day
The Peugot Penis: Engineered to be enjoyed
The Pantene Penis: It won't happen overnight, but it will happen.
The M&M Penis: Melts in your mouth, not in your hand
The Flake Penis: It crumbles and melts in your mouth
The Hungry Jack's Penis: Ooh I love a whopper

Gotta have that flame-grilled beef...
The Olympic Penis: ...and the winner is...
The Twisties Penis: Life's never straight without...
The CC's Penis: Can't say no...
The Just Juice Penis: Just squeeze.
The Woolworths Penis: The fresh food penis.
The Tribble Penis: Everyone wants one.
The Yellow Pages Penis: Let your penis do the walking.
The Sprite Penis: Obey your thirst.
The Hobbit Penis: There and back again.
The Hugh Grant penis: It's just Devine!
The Tolkein penis: Lord of the Rings
The VB Penis: Cos a hard earned thirst needs a big cold...
The Terminator Penis: This time it's personal.
The Space Balls Penis: I see that your schwartz is as big as mine
The Star Wars Penis: Feel the force.
The Raine and Horne Penis: We'll come to you!
The L J Hooker Penis: Nobody does it better.
The Ten Capital News Penis: More people turn us on.
The Toyota Penis: Oh what a feeling
The Mitsubishi Penis: Prease Consider
The BMW Penis: Sheer driving pleasure
The Macintosh Penis: "The power to be your best"
The Optus Penis: "yes"
The Forrest Gump Penis: You never know what you're gonna get.
The Steve Erkel Penis: Did i do that?
The Pizza Hut Penis: Available in both thick and thin.
The Macintosh Penis: All the internal workings are kept hidden. Just click.

Even More Cocky Dick Related Analogies

Picture of the Biggest Cock in the World!

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